Thirty Presses, Two Eds
by BarthVader
Summary: After being placed in an emergency situation, Lee is forced to reconsider some things.


**I actually had something different planned for the V-Day, but being an amateur hobbyist comes with a** _ **very**_ **irregular writing schedule. Then again, this story also works, in a twisted way.**

 **Please note that the story here was written by someone with NO medical training. I aimed to be as accurate as I could without compromising the plot, but if you spot a glaring mistake, feel free to shoot me a PM pointing it out.**

It was a sunny summer day.

There was nothing special about it that would foreshadow the coming events. In fact, it was so pleasant that the all the neighborhood teenagers, independently of each other, decided to relax by the stream.

That included the trio of the local perverts, bullies and annoyances, bastard half-sisters going by their mother's maiden name. Luckily for everybody else, they decided they don't feel like pestering their peers, and instead decided to lie down on a blanket some distance away and get a nice suntan.

For the next hour or so, nobody interrupted them. And then, they heard a high-pitched shriek.

The Kankers raised their heads, and spotted the tall Ed dragging something out of the water. After a moment, they realized that the 'something' was, in fact, a body, with his legs tangled with some weed that was growing at the bottom. It took them a few more seconds to realize who he was, and suddenly things got complicated.

"Holy shit…" Lee muttered under her breath. "He's gotta be kidding…"

The eldest Kanker couldn't recall how she ended up standing next to the crowd surrounding the drowning victim. Everyone was staring at Double D in the middle, trying to give his friend CPR. 'Trying' being the key word. His hands were limp and shaking, his presses were irregular, and he was too busy choking on his own tears to do this properly. Understandable, really. Everyone in the crowd was quivering with fear, sobbing, or just quietly panicking. She somehow remained calm.

"This doesn't look like a joke, Lee." her younger sister remarked, worried.

She had to take initiative.

"Move aside." She pushed Two-D away, with the usual grace and subtlety, and put her intertwined hands on Eddy's chest.

One.

Two.

Three.

For once, she was happy that ma forced her to attend all classes, _or else_. That meant she ended up on that one first aid course that everyone had to take, and she thought she'd never have to use in practice. Those things always happen to other people, she thought. And even if they'd happen to her, she would turn around and walk away like it wasn't her business.

Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.

One breath, two breaths.

Putting her lips on the mouth of a guy that stopped breathing, and then exhaling. It looked more romantic in the movies.

"Did anyone call an ambulance or something?" she said, starting another thirty presses.

No response. What did the first aid guy tell? Pick someone specific from the crowd.

"You." she looked at the jock. "The idiot in a baseball cap. Call 911." she commanded.

"I don't have a cell phone."

"Borrow from someone. Run to your house. Mug some poor sap." she spat. "Call an ambulance, I don't care how you do it, _now._ "

He nodded nervously, turned around and ran towards the cul-de-sac.

Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thir-

She felt something snap underneath her palms.

Don't worry if you break a rib, she recalled, leaning for a breath. Sometimes it's a must, and it's still better than the alternative. And don't give up after a few repetitions. This isn't a bad movie, he won't get up after a few presses, do that until the paramedics arrive. She was surprised she could remember that lesson so vividly.

One. Two. Three.

She realized that the crowd around her became silent. Not even a murmur. Seven pairs of eyes (and a plank, because one guy was a weirdo) watched her intently, as if afraid that the faintest sound will startle that last inch of life that was somewhere in Eddy's body.

It was there.

It had to be.

He wouldn't die in such an anticlimactic way, now, would he?

Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.

One breath. Two breaths.

In one of those rare moments where she wasn't a careless bastard, she had ended up thinking about where all the neighborhood kids (teens, whatever) would end up when they grow up. She always expected Eddy would round up the other two and start some semi-legitimate business venture. A chop shop. A greasy spoon. Heck, maybe they would go full cliché and launch a used car dealership.

Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty.

But that was the future. Right now, she was kneeling over him in her one-piece swimsuit, and he had nothing but trunks on. She would give ten years of her life if that scenario would happen in different circumstances, and five more if he would take part in it without being forced. For some reason, she didn't feel right with such thoughts, for the first time since… ever. Hey, this guy you harassed the everloving fuck out of? Now he's dea-

 _Not breathing._

Twenty-nine. Thirty.

He would _not_ die there. She would _not_ let him die there. He would get better, and then she would apologize to him for all the stuff she put him through for laughs and giggles, and then they would be somewhere between friends, enemies, and friends with benefits. Actually, scratch that last part, just something between friends and enemies. Fuck it, she would hook him up with that blonde hussy if that meant he wouldn't croak there.

Just.

Don't.

Fucking.

Die.

Thirty.

She wasn't thinking anymore. Her body was moving like clockwork, delivering the presses in equal intervals, and breathing air into his lungs every thirty repeats. Again, and again, and again, not bothering to count the cycles, trying to think about literally anything else and not the body in front of her. She lost track of time. It might've as well stopped for all the intents and purposes. There was only thirty, then two, then thirty, then two.

And then the reality came back, poking her in the shoulder.

"We'll take it from here." someone commanded, in a firm tone of someone who had uttered that phrase one too many times.

She turned to see a paramedic kneeling next to her, nudging her to move aside. She did so, and the man put a bag valve mask on Eddy's face.

"What had happened here?" his colleague asked.

"Not sure." she replied. "All I saw is the big guy over here pulling him outta the water."

"Do you know the victim?"

 _Yes, I spent the last two years or something molesting the bloody hell out of him._ "Not really." she said. "Try asking his buddies over there." She pointed towards the Double D, shaking in his boots (flip-flops, to be literal) and Ed, holding him by the hand in a gesture of support that would look weirdly out of context.

The paramedic walked to them. "I would want you two to help me notify your friend's parents or guardians. Can you do that?"

The two nodded.

"Everybody else, go home!" he raised his voice. "There is nothing to see here!"

Lee felt her wrist being tugged. "Let's pick up the blanket and go home." Marie said. "We did our part." After a moment, she added. "Well, you did."

The three wordlessly marched towards their original resting place. May picked up and folded the blanket, and they all went towards the trailer park. After they walked a couple hundred yards, May broke the silence:

"Do you think he's gonna make it?"

"Of course he will." her oldest sister replied reflexively.

"And what if he doesn't?" Marie butted in. "What if he's gone?"

Lee opened her mouth to let out a snarky counter, but nothing came out. Because that was a good question.

The only time she put effort into things was to make Eddy miserable for her own amusement. She didn't have other hobbies, she didn't have other interests, she didn't have other ambitions, besides a 1.5 GPA to make mom shut up about her grades. With Eddy… out of the picture, she'd have nothing to do besides staring at the TV all day. That was sad.

Actually, wait, it wasn't sad. It was goddamn pathetic. What kind of person gets her kicks solely out of humiliating people? She was just a petty sociopathic cu-

Fingers were snapped in front of her face, bringing her back to reality.

"Hey, Earth to Lee!" Marie said.

"You just… froze in place." May added, worried. "Is something wrong?"

Lee rubbed her eyes. "Nah, my brain's just catching up with the events." she replied. "I'm thinking about stuff, and I don't like the conclusions. "

"What conclusions?"

"Nothing specific." she lied. "Just thinking about what I'll do with myself if he really kicks he bucket." _If_.

"Can I say something?" the blonde asked.

"Shoot."

May embraced her sister from the side. "Even if you didn't save him, you kept a cool head and did all you could when everyone panicked." She looked up at Lee. "You're my hero, and I'm glad you're my big sis."

Before the redhead could reply to that, Marie joined the group hug. "I… I just love you two."

This wasn't an usual occurrence. None of the sisters were ones for personal displays of affection – in fact, Lee coulda sworn they got in fights more often that they hugged each other – and this entire situation initially made Lee very uncomfortable.

Then, she just returned the embrace.

"I love you too, girls."

The three stood there in silence for a minute or so, before May piped up:

"Nobody can see us, right?"

Lee started to scan the surroundings for anyone that could've witness that display. She didn't notice anyone, which didn't make her any calmer.

"Let's just go home." Marie suggested.

And off they went.

* * *

A doorbell.

Lee put a book in her left hand, an index finger to keep track of where she stopped, and marched to the door.

"Who's that?" she asked, loudly and clearly.

"E-e-e…"

"Ed and Double D."

This was unexpected. She removed the chain from the door and opened it. "Evening."

"S-s-salutations, Lee." Edd greeted her, then pointed at her left hand. "I-i-is that a book? Were you r-reading?"

She lifted it and inspected a copy of Pratchett's _Going Postal_. "Yup. What, you surprised?"

"A b-a bit."

The redhead sighed. "Yeah, I've decided I need to do something besides watching TV, and this book was lying around." She stepped aside. "Get in."

"W-we're just p-passing by…"

"You've just had the worst day of your goddamn lives." she interrupted. "You could use a moment on the ol' couch. I won't lay a finger on you and neither will my sisters. _Get in._ "

The two entered into the trailer and placed themselves where they were supposed to.

Marie peeked from upstairs. "Who was tha-" she cut short, noticing the guests. "-oh, good evening guys."

"And who was that?" May screamed from the bedroom.

"Our boyf-" she bit her tongue, realizing this isn't the best moment to be a creep, "-the Eds."

After a moment, the blonde appeared behind her sister. "Hi guys, you hungry?"

"N-n-no, th-…"

"I'll eat."

"I'll fix you something, Big Ed. Double D, you're getting tea."

The boy nodded out of politeness, and May promptly scooted to the kitchen. Lee put aside her book, opened and spine-down, grabbed a wooden stool and sat on it, opposite the boys. "So, what brings you here?" she asked, in spite of being able to make an educated guess about their reasons.

"I… wanted to i-inform you about Eddy."

Naturallly. The official confirmation of what was trying to pierce her skull for the past few hours. She took a breath and braced for impact. "What is it?"

"H-h-h…"

"He's alive." Ed spat it out.

Lee thought her mind started to play tricks on her. "Wait, what?"

"The ambulance guys made him breathe and his heart beat." he explained. "Then they took him to the hospital to check if not breathing for that long hurt his brain. His dad called us after they checked his head and he said they found nothing." After a moment, he realized what he said, "Uh, I mean…"

"I know what you mean, big guy." This was the end of it, then. He would stay in the hospital for a few days, then he'd leave, and everything would come back to the way it was, except he'd be a bit more wary of water.

A large weight was lifted from her soul.

"C-considering your i-involvement," Edd spoke up, "w-w-we thought it-it'd be appropriate t-to tell you."

"Why are you shaking?" she asked him. "Everything turned out alright."

"I'm just- I just feel… like th-this is a p-personal failure of mine."

Lee raised an eyebrow, which went unnoticed for obvious reasons. "What are you on about?"

The hatted boy lowered his head. "I have failed to notice that Eddy was not emerging from the water and I have failed to keep a cool head in a critical situation _and_ I have failed to properly administer cardiopulmonary resuscitation." he let out, then took a breath. "If-if it wasn't for your heroism, I… I would have lost a companion."

" _Heroism?_ " she scoffed. "I'm not a hero, I'm just an icy bitch that was in the right spot at the right time. And don't feel bad for freaking out." she added. "Eddy's more of a brother to you than he is to that other bastard. You think I would be so collected if that happened to May or Marie?" Probably yes, but she wouldn't admit that to him at that point.

"Would a cold dog try and calm down Double D?" Ed asked. "I mean, that _is_ nice." He turned to Marie, watching the conversation from the stairs. "C'mon, tell me it isn't a nice thing."

"That doesn't count." she dismissed him. "I've put you down so many times throwing you a bone once in a while won't change much."

"B-b-back to the main t-topic," Edd butted in, "the p-paramedics have confirmed that without your intervention, he probably w-wou-wouldn't have made it. To me, c-contributing to saving a person's life is heroic, no matter the motivation. We are in awe."

"And grateful." the big guy added. "You did good."

Lee certainly did not expect _that_. I mean, the two of them were spineless and nice to a fault most of the time, but she didn't expect them to actually waltz in to the park to say thanks to her. The thoughts from the day came back to her, and she felt filled with determination. She was given a chance to turn her life around, to do something beyond being a sociopathic white trash cu-

"Dinner time!" May dropped a large pot filled with pasta with meat on the table.

Edd glanced at the pot, then at her. "I know that Ed is a big eater, but i-isn't this a bit of an overkill?"

"I just thought I might cook for everyone here." the blonde smiled. After a moment, she added, flustered, "Is this how being nice works?"

"Don't ask me." Marie shrugged, walking to the ground floor.

Lee intertwined her fingers. "So, what do we do now, guys?"

"We eat." Ed replied, as May placed a few stacked empty bowls and forks on the table.

"And after that?"

"Well," Edd said, "we have planned to visit Eddy in the hospital tomorrow."

"I wanna do the same." the eldest sister declared. "Is that doable?"

The smart boy pondered for a moment. "I cannot promise anything, but I will attempt to discuss that with him."

"Lovely." She smiled. It wasn't the usual creepy grin she used to creep everyone out. It was a genuine smile.

This was the first day of the rest of her life.


End file.
